I received these via email. I am not sure how many of them are fictional. Even if they are fiction I still like them enough to post them here to share.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
What does a Pin Drop Sound Like?
When in England, at a fairly large conference, Colin Powell was asked by the Archbishop of Canterbury if our plans for Iraq were just an example of 'empire building' by George Bush.
He answered by saying, 'Over the years, the United States has sent many of its fine young men and women into great peril to fight for freedom beyond our borders. The only amount of land we have ever asked for in return is enough to bury those that did not return...'
You could have heard a pin drop.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
There was a conference in France where a number of international engineers were taking part, including French and American. During a break, one of the French engineers came back into the room saying 'Have you heard the latest dumb stunt Bush has done? He has sent an aircraft carrier to Indonesia to help the tsunami victims. What does he intend to do, bomb them?'
A Boeing engineer stood up and replied quietly: 'Our carriers have three hospitals on board that can treat several hundred people; they are nuclear powered and can supply emergency electrical power to shore facilities; they have three cafeterias with the capacity to feed 3,000 people three meals a day, they can produce several thousand gallons of fresh water from sea water each day, and they carry half a dozen helicopters for use in transporting victims and injured to and from their flight deck. We have eleven such ships; how many does France have?
You could have heard a pin drop.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A U.S. Navy Admiral was attending a naval conference that included Admirals from the U.S. , English, Canadian, Australian and French Navies. At a cocktail reception, he found himself standing with a large group of Officers that included personnel from most of those countries.
Everyone was chatting away in English as they sipped their drinks but a French admiral suddenly complained that, whereas Europeans learn many languages, Americans learn only English.' He then asked, 'Why is it that we always have to speak English in these conferences rather than speaking French?' Without hesitating, the American Admiral replied 'Maybe it's because the Brits, Canadians, Aussies and Americans arranged it so you wouldn't have to speak German.'
You could have heard a pin drop.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
AND THIS STORY FITS RIGHT IN WITH THE ABOVE...
Robert Whiting, an elderly gentleman of 83, arrived in Paris by plane. At French Customs, he took a few minutes to locate his passport in his carry on. 'You have been to France before, monsieur?' the customs officer asked sarcastically. Mr. Whiting admitted that he had been to France previously.
Then you should know enough to have your passport ready. The American said, ''The last time I was here, I didn't have to show it. 'Impossible.. Americans always have to show your passports on arrival in France !' The American senior gave the Frenchman a long hard look. Then he quietly explained, ''Well, when I came ashore at Omaha Beach on D-Day in 1944 to help liberate this country, I couldn't find a single Frenchman to show a passport to.'
You could have heard a pin drop.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Thursday, July 9, 2009
Sunday, June 28, 2009
Tuesday, June 16, 2009
Letter from Grandpa - Anonymous Author
Letter from Grandpa
John is 63 years old and owns his own business, and sees his dream of Retiring next year is now all but gone. With the Stock market crashing and all the new taxes coming His way, John knows he will be working for many more years.
John has a Granddaughter, a recent College grad. She drives a late model car, wears All the latest fashions, and also likes going out a lot. Ashley campaigned hard for Obama, and after he won the election she made sure Her Grandfather (and all other Republican family Members) received more than an earful on how the World is going to be a much better place now that Obama won the election.
Ashley recently found herself short of cash and Cannot pay her bills, again. As she has done many Other times in the past, she e-mailed her Grandfather asking for some financial help. Here Is his reply:
"Sweetheart,
I am replying to your request for more money. Ashley, you know I love you dearly and am Sympathetic to your financial plight. Unfortunately, times have changed. With the Election of President Obama, your Grandmother and I have had to set forth a bold new economic plan Of our own.....the 'Ashley Economic Plan'. Let me Explain. Your grandmother and I are highly Productive, wage-earning tax payers. As you know, We have lived a comfortable life and in return Have forgone many things like fancy vacations, Luxury cars, etc. We have worked hard and were Looking forward to retiring soon. But this plan Has changed. Your president is significantly Raising our personal and business taxes.. He says It is so he can give our hard earned money to Other people. Do you know what this means ? It means less income for us. Less income means we Must cut back on many business and personal Expenditures. One example is, we were forced to Let go of our receptionist today. You know her. She always gave you candy when you Visited my office. Did you know she worked for us For the past 18 years? I can't afford her anymore.
That is a taste of the business side. Some Personal economic affects of Obama's new taxation Policies include none other than you. You know That over the years your grandmother and I have given you thousands of dollars in cash, Tuition, food, housing, clothing, Gifts, etc. By your vote, you have chosen Another family over ours for help. Judging from Your Email requesting more money, I recommend you Call 202-456-1111. That is the direct telephone Number for the White House. You yourself Repeatedly told me I was foolish to vote Republican. You said Mr. Obama is going to be the people's president and is going to help every American live a better life. Based upon everything You have told me and things we heard from him as He campaigned, I am sure Mr. Obama will be happy To send a check or transfer money into your Checking account. Have him call me for the Transaction and account numbers, which by now I Know by heart.
Perhaps you now can understand what I have been Saying for all my life: those who vote for the President should consider what the impact of an Election will be on the nation as a whole, and not Just be concerned with what they can get for Themselves (welfare, etc.).. What Obama voters Don't seem to realize is all of the "government" Money he is 'redistributing' to illegal aliens and Non-taxpaying Americans (deemed "less fortunate") Comes from tax money collected from income Tax-paying families. Remember how you told me, "Only the richest of the rich will be affected"? Guess what ? Because of our business, your Grandmother and I are now considered to be the Richest of the rich. On paper, it might look that Way. But in the real world, we are far from it. But, as you said while campaigning for Obama, some People will have to carry more of the burden so All of America can prosper. You understand what That means, right? It means that raising taxes on Productive people results in them having less Money. Less money for everything, including Granddaughters.
Congratulations on your choice for "change". For Future reference, I encourage you to attempt to Add up the total value of the gifts and money You've received from us over the years, and Compare it to what you expect to get over the next Four years from Mr. Obama.
Remember, we love you dearly... But from now on You'll need to call the number referenced above When you need help".
Good luck, sweetheart.
Love, Grandpa
John is 63 years old and owns his own business, and sees his dream of Retiring next year is now all but gone. With the Stock market crashing and all the new taxes coming His way, John knows he will be working for many more years.
John has a Granddaughter, a recent College grad. She drives a late model car, wears All the latest fashions, and also likes going out a lot. Ashley campaigned hard for Obama, and after he won the election she made sure Her Grandfather (and all other Republican family Members) received more than an earful on how the World is going to be a much better place now that Obama won the election.
Ashley recently found herself short of cash and Cannot pay her bills, again. As she has done many Other times in the past, she e-mailed her Grandfather asking for some financial help. Here Is his reply:
"Sweetheart,
I am replying to your request for more money. Ashley, you know I love you dearly and am Sympathetic to your financial plight. Unfortunately, times have changed. With the Election of President Obama, your Grandmother and I have had to set forth a bold new economic plan Of our own.....the 'Ashley Economic Plan'. Let me Explain. Your grandmother and I are highly Productive, wage-earning tax payers. As you know, We have lived a comfortable life and in return Have forgone many things like fancy vacations, Luxury cars, etc. We have worked hard and were Looking forward to retiring soon. But this plan Has changed. Your president is significantly Raising our personal and business taxes.. He says It is so he can give our hard earned money to Other people. Do you know what this means ? It means less income for us. Less income means we Must cut back on many business and personal Expenditures. One example is, we were forced to Let go of our receptionist today. You know her. She always gave you candy when you Visited my office. Did you know she worked for us For the past 18 years? I can't afford her anymore.
That is a taste of the business side. Some Personal economic affects of Obama's new taxation Policies include none other than you. You know That over the years your grandmother and I have given you thousands of dollars in cash, Tuition, food, housing, clothing, Gifts, etc. By your vote, you have chosen Another family over ours for help. Judging from Your Email requesting more money, I recommend you Call 202-456-1111. That is the direct telephone Number for the White House. You yourself Repeatedly told me I was foolish to vote Republican. You said Mr. Obama is going to be the people's president and is going to help every American live a better life. Based upon everything You have told me and things we heard from him as He campaigned, I am sure Mr. Obama will be happy To send a check or transfer money into your Checking account. Have him call me for the Transaction and account numbers, which by now I Know by heart.
Perhaps you now can understand what I have been Saying for all my life: those who vote for the President should consider what the impact of an Election will be on the nation as a whole, and not Just be concerned with what they can get for Themselves (welfare, etc.).. What Obama voters Don't seem to realize is all of the "government" Money he is 'redistributing' to illegal aliens and Non-taxpaying Americans (deemed "less fortunate") Comes from tax money collected from income Tax-paying families. Remember how you told me, "Only the richest of the rich will be affected"? Guess what ? Because of our business, your Grandmother and I are now considered to be the Richest of the rich. On paper, it might look that Way. But in the real world, we are far from it. But, as you said while campaigning for Obama, some People will have to carry more of the burden so All of America can prosper. You understand what That means, right? It means that raising taxes on Productive people results in them having less Money. Less money for everything, including Granddaughters.
Congratulations on your choice for "change". For Future reference, I encourage you to attempt to Add up the total value of the gifts and money You've received from us over the years, and Compare it to what you expect to get over the next Four years from Mr. Obama.
Remember, we love you dearly... But from now on You'll need to call the number referenced above When you need help".
Good luck, sweetheart.
Love, Grandpa
Tuesday, June 2, 2009
Some Funny Bumper Stickers
Someone sent these to me, and I thought they were funny enough to share. I did not make them, nor do I know where they came from. I have seen a couple of them floating around before. A few of them are new to me however.
Kick me in the a$$
Katie Couric, Keith Olberman, Brian Williams and a tough old U.S. Marine Gunnery Sergeant were captured by terrorists in Iraq. The leader of the terrorists told them he'd grant each of them one last request before they were beheaded and dragged naked through the streets.
Katie Couric said, "Well, I'm a Southerner, so I'd like one last plate of fried chicken."
The leader nodded to an underling who left and returned with the chicken. Couric ate it all and said, "Now I can die content."
Keith Olberman "I'm living in New York , so I'd like to hear Sinatra sing "New York, New York" one last time."
The terrorist leader nodded to another terrorist who had studied the Western world and knew the music. He returned with an old 33 rpm record and played the song. Olberman was satisfied.
Brian Williams said, "I'm a reporter to the end. I want to take out my tape recorder and describe the scene here and what's about to happen. Maybe, someday, someone will hear it and know that I was on the job till the end."
The leader directed an aide to hand over the tape recorder and Williams dictated his comments. He then said, "Now I can die happy."
The leader turned and asked, "And now, Mr. U.S. Marine, what is your final wish?" "Kick me in the ass," said the Marine.
"What?" asked the leader, "Why do you mock Allah in your last hour?" No, I'm NOT kidding. I want you to kick me in the ass," insisted the Marine.
So the leader shoved him into the yard and kicked him in the ass.
The Marine went sprawling, but rolled to his knees, pulled a 9 mm pistol from inside his cammies and shot the leader dead. In the resulting confusion, he emptied his sidearm into six terrorists, then grabbed a knife and slashed the throat of one more, and with an AK-47 which he took from the now-dead terrorist leader, sprayed the rest of the terrorists killing another 11.
In a flash, all of them were either dead or fleeing for their lives. As the Marine was untying Couric, Olberman, and Williams, they asked him, "Why didn't you just shoot them all in the first place? Why did you ask him to kick you in the ass?"
"What!?!" replied the Marine... "and have you three REMF a-holes report that I was the aggressor....?" Semper Fi!
Katie Couric said, "Well, I'm a Southerner, so I'd like one last plate of fried chicken."
The leader nodded to an underling who left and returned with the chicken. Couric ate it all and said, "Now I can die content."
Keith Olberman "I'm living in New York , so I'd like to hear Sinatra sing "New York, New York" one last time."
The terrorist leader nodded to another terrorist who had studied the Western world and knew the music. He returned with an old 33 rpm record and played the song. Olberman was satisfied.
Brian Williams said, "I'm a reporter to the end. I want to take out my tape recorder and describe the scene here and what's about to happen. Maybe, someday, someone will hear it and know that I was on the job till the end."
The leader directed an aide to hand over the tape recorder and Williams dictated his comments. He then said, "Now I can die happy."
The leader turned and asked, "And now, Mr. U.S. Marine, what is your final wish?" "Kick me in the ass," said the Marine.
"What?" asked the leader, "Why do you mock Allah in your last hour?" No, I'm NOT kidding. I want you to kick me in the ass," insisted the Marine.
So the leader shoved him into the yard and kicked him in the ass.
The Marine went sprawling, but rolled to his knees, pulled a 9 mm pistol from inside his cammies and shot the leader dead. In the resulting confusion, he emptied his sidearm into six terrorists, then grabbed a knife and slashed the throat of one more, and with an AK-47 which he took from the now-dead terrorist leader, sprayed the rest of the terrorists killing another 11.
In a flash, all of them were either dead or fleeing for their lives. As the Marine was untying Couric, Olberman, and Williams, they asked him, "Why didn't you just shoot them all in the first place? Why did you ask him to kick you in the ass?"
"What!?!" replied the Marine... "and have you three REMF a-holes report that I was the aggressor....?" Semper Fi!
Friday, May 29, 2009
Equilibrium and the mind of the liberal
SPOILER ALERT - SPOILER ALERT - SPOILER ALERT Warning: if you have any intention of watching this show, and do not want to read a spoiler, do not read on. I actually liked this movie. Here is the trailer before you go on:
I am drawing a comparison here to this movie that has helped me greatly understand the mind of a liberal. Or so I assume. But you know what happens when you do that. So they say. Before I get into my comparison, here is a brief synopsis of the movie from imdb:
Equilibrium is set in the futuristic, and dystopian city-state of Libria. The film explains how, in the early years of the 21st century, a devastating Third World War breaks out, the impact of which brings civilizations across the planet to their knees. After the war ends, world leaders fear that the human race cannot possibly survive a Fourth World War, and so set about building a new society which is free of conflict.
Believing that human emotion is responsible for man's inhumanity to man, the new leaders ban all materials deemed likely to stimulate strong emotions, including art, music, and literature. These materials are rated "EC-10" for "emotional content" (a reference to the MPAA film rating system), and are typically destroyed by immediate incineration. Furthermore, all citizens of Libria are required to take regular injections, called "intervals," of a liquid drug called Prozium, collected at the distribution centers known as "Equilibrium".
So, to stop the violence and the bloodshed the ruling party put into place a drug (Prozium) that strips everyone of all emotion. The theory is, that without emotion, there can be no envy, no violence, no racism and no hate. Everyone gets along. Sounds like Utopia right? Well, to a liberal it might. Here is where I find the comparison. Liberals believe that what they do is for the good of everyone. They think that by over controlling someone they are helping them. However by taking this Prozium they not only lost all of the bad emotions, but they also lost all of the good. Joy, hope, and love. They became emotionless automatons moving about their lives in a wide awake robotic state.
Now, I am going to show this applies to today's world. Think I am stretching? Maybe. Lets see.
How about laws to force charity? That possibly can’t happen, can it? Well, yes, liberals love this idea of a global poverty tax actually. What’s not to like? Everyone likes charity right? Helping out your fellow man. I know I do. I give when I can.
The problem I have with that it is forced. When forced into something it becomes a yoke. A collar. Not something you did out of the good of your heart. Eventually you resent and chafe against being forced into doing something that you would have done anyway.
Another comparison is Universal Healthcare. Our healthcare system while far from perfect is not horrible. Everyone loves the idea of UHC. Health care for EVERYONE. Utopia once again? Possibly, but you might want to look in to how it eventually ends up working. Or this beauty of a idea from Tom Daschle who was at one time Barack Obama’s pick for HHS Secretary:
Daschle says health-care reform “will not be pain free.” Seniors should be more accepting of the conditions that come with age instead of treating them. That means the elderly will bear the brunt.
Liberals would love nothing more than for us to lay down and accept their good judgment for us. They do not understand why we resist. They only assumption they can draw is that we are uncaring and spiteful. They do not understand the value that we place upon our freedom. This freedom was bought with blood, and lives. I for one, do not want to sit idly by, and watch it get legislated away.
Maybe I am crazy for seeing the controlling fascist force in this movie as the liberals in our government today. I really hope I that I am. I am scared to death however that I am right.
Monday, April 27, 2009
Free Software I Love (for windows)
I love free software. HEAVY emphasis on the free. However I do not like to sacrifice quality.
Here are some of my favorites(Note, these are all for the Windows operating system):
General Use:
Virus scanner - AVG Free
http://free.avg.com/download-avg-anti-virus-free-edition
Two Way Firewall - ZoneAlarm
http://www.zonealarm.com/security/en-us/zonealarm-pc-security-free-firewall.htm
File System Cleaner - CCleaner
http://www.ccleaner.com/
Disk Defragger - Auslogics Disk Defrag
http://www.auslogics.com/disk-defrag
MS Office Alternative - Open Office
http://www.openoffice.org/
Notepad2 - Better notepad (with syntax highlighting)
http://www.flos-freeware.ch/notepad2.html NOTE: Normally I use UltraEdit as it is my favorite text editor, but it is not free. If forced to us a free editor, Notepad2 is my 2nd choice.
Picture Editing -
Paint.net
http://www.getpaint.net/index.html
Gimp - Hat/tip my friend Shambo
http://www.gimp.org/
Music Radio Listening - Pandora.com
http://pandora.com/
http://pandora.com/desktop - new desktop, no browser version.
Clipboard Manager - xNeat
http://www.xneat.com/clipboard-manager/index.htm
APP Updater - Filehippo
http://www.filehippo.com/updatechecker/
Disk Usage - WinDirStat
http://windirstat.info/ A graphical disk usage tool on steroids.
DEVELOPER SPECIFIC - Many of these will not make sense to you, unless you are a developer.
Regular Expressions Editor - Expresso
http://www.ultrapico.com/Expresso.htm
HTTP Debugging tool for IE - Fiddler
http://fiddlertool.com/fiddler/
Web Service Tester - Web Service Studio
http://www.codeplex.com/WebserviceStudio
SQL Tidy - SQL Formatter
http://www.wangz.net/cgi-bin/pp/gsqlparser/sqlpp/sqlformat.tpl
Javascript development tools - JQuery
http://jquery.com/
http://jqueryui.com/
MSFT.Net
View State Helper - Binary Fortress
http://www.binaryfortress.com/aspnet-viewstate-helper/
.net Code Decompiler - Reflector
http://www.red-gate.com/products/reflector/
Linq - LINQPad
http://www.linqpad.net/
Windows Management and Debugging tools - Sysinternals
http://technet.microsoft.com/en-us/sysinternals/default.aspx NOTE: Hands down the best free tools for managing and debugging your system can be found here.
Here are some of my favorites(Note, these are all for the Windows operating system):
General Use:
Virus scanner - AVG Free
http://free.avg.com/download-avg-anti-virus-free-edition
Two Way Firewall - ZoneAlarm
http://www.zonealarm.com/security/en-us/zonealarm-pc-security-free-firewall.htm
File System Cleaner - CCleaner
http://www.ccleaner.com/
Disk Defragger - Auslogics Disk Defrag
http://www.auslogics.com/disk-defrag
MS Office Alternative - Open Office
http://www.openoffice.org/
Notepad2 - Better notepad (with syntax highlighting)
http://www.flos-freeware.ch/notepad2.html NOTE: Normally I use UltraEdit as it is my favorite text editor, but it is not free. If forced to us a free editor, Notepad2 is my 2nd choice.
Picture Editing -
Paint.net
http://www.getpaint.net/index.html
Gimp - Hat/tip my friend Shambo
http://www.gimp.org/
Music Radio Listening - Pandora.com
http://pandora.com/
http://pandora.com/desktop - new desktop, no browser version.
Clipboard Manager - xNeat
http://www.xneat.com/clipboard-manager/index.htm
APP Updater - Filehippo
http://www.filehippo.com/updatechecker/
Disk Usage - WinDirStat
http://windirstat.info/ A graphical disk usage tool on steroids.
DEVELOPER SPECIFIC - Many of these will not make sense to you, unless you are a developer.
Regular Expressions Editor - Expresso
http://www.ultrapico.com/Expresso.htm
HTTP Debugging tool for IE - Fiddler
http://fiddlertool.com/fiddler/
Web Service Tester - Web Service Studio
http://www.codeplex.com/WebserviceStudio
SQL Tidy - SQL Formatter
http://www.wangz.net/cgi-bin/pp/gsqlparser/sqlpp/sqlformat.tpl
Javascript development tools - JQuery
http://jquery.com/
http://jqueryui.com/
MSFT.Net
View State Helper - Binary Fortress
http://www.binaryfortress.com/aspnet-viewstate-helper/
.net Code Decompiler - Reflector
http://www.red-gate.com/products/reflector/
Linq - LINQPad
http://www.linqpad.net/
Windows Management and Debugging tools - Sysinternals
http://technet.microsoft.com/en-us/sysinternals/default.aspx NOTE: Hands down the best free tools for managing and debugging your system can be found here.
Amazing predictions from 1958 that came true will blow your Mind
This is amazing. I guess the writing has been on the wall a long time.
Thursday, April 23, 2009
Michele Bachmann calls out Napolitano
WOW, will they actually listen to her, or dismiss her as one of us right wing extremists she is trying to defend. I admire her bravery. However, I think she will join the ranks of the other brave Republican Conservatives who have voiced their outrage and become a target of smears and ridicule. Too bad we can’t clone her, or at least steal some of her mojo for the RINOs.
Oh, and Timothy McVeigh? Stop shoveling that crap. He was one of MILLIONS who were released. Myself included. The rest of us assimilated just fine back into civilian life.
Ooorah Michelle!
Thursday, December 18, 2008
Why Men Don't Write Advice Columns
Not mine, just found it extremely funny:
Dear Walter,
I hope you can help me here. The other day, I set off for work leaving my husband in the house watching the TV as usual. I hadn't driven more than a mile down the road when the engine conked out and the car shuddered to a halt. I walked back home to get my husband's help. When I got home I couldn't believe my eyes. He was in our bedroom with the neighbor's daughter. I am 41, my husband is 44, and the neighbor's daughter is 22.
We have been married for ten years. When I confronted him, he broke down and admitted that they had been having an affair for the past six months. I told him to stop or I would leave him. He was let go from his job six months ago and he says he has been feeling increasingly depressed and worthless. I love him very much, but ever since I gave him the ultimatum he has become increasingly distant. He won't go to counseling and I'm afraid I can't get through to him anymore.
Can you please help?
Sincerely,
Sheila
_____________________________________________________________
Dear Sheila:
A car stalling after being driven a short distance can be caused by a variety of faults with the engine. Start by checking that there is no debris in the fuel line. If it is clear, check the vacuum pipes and hoses on the intake manifold and also check all grounding wires. If none of these approaches solve the problem, it could be that the fuel pump itself is faulty, causing low delivery pressure to the injectors.
I hope this helps, Walter
Dear Walter,
I hope you can help me here. The other day, I set off for work leaving my husband in the house watching the TV as usual. I hadn't driven more than a mile down the road when the engine conked out and the car shuddered to a halt. I walked back home to get my husband's help. When I got home I couldn't believe my eyes. He was in our bedroom with the neighbor's daughter. I am 41, my husband is 44, and the neighbor's daughter is 22.
We have been married for ten years. When I confronted him, he broke down and admitted that they had been having an affair for the past six months. I told him to stop or I would leave him. He was let go from his job six months ago and he says he has been feeling increasingly depressed and worthless. I love him very much, but ever since I gave him the ultimatum he has become increasingly distant. He won't go to counseling and I'm afraid I can't get through to him anymore.
Can you please help?
Sincerely,
Sheila
_____________________________________________________________
Dear Sheila:
A car stalling after being driven a short distance can be caused by a variety of faults with the engine. Start by checking that there is no debris in the fuel line. If it is clear, check the vacuum pipes and hoses on the intake manifold and also check all grounding wires. If none of these approaches solve the problem, it could be that the fuel pump itself is faulty, causing low delivery pressure to the injectors.
I hope this helps, Walter
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